Baba versus Saraki: Boss versus Actor" - as written by
SMB Sesan Michael Johnson
#Caution: This is a fiction
Dogara, can't you see that baba is not relenting on
crucifying us? But with all the blood of Jesus I had used to nullify baba's
power in our last power service in church, Sai baba is still adamant. Really,
so you can bring Jesus into this dirty politics we are playing. Please, stop
wasting your saviour's blood. You are a bad guy, Dogara. By the way, since you
attend Champions Chapel; what's the take of your G.O. regarding your.....I mean
our manoeuvring of the political equation? Bukky, please leave my pastor out of
this. He's too holy to be dragged into these dirts. Hmmm! But you know as my
mother will say in Yoruba "inu igbe lowo wa". Indeed, in this game;
baba is the boss and you are the actor. I am just a learner.
Bukky, why did you ask me to meet you here in a hotel
notorious for prostitutes? I don't like this place, my Christian instinct is
warning me to get out of here. Is there any difference between politicians and
prostitutes? We both move from one suitor to the other. Politicians just like prostitutes
are not loyal to one customer. We are more concerned about our patronage than
patriotism. Let's go back to business. We must strategise on how to survive
this onslaught by the new party leadership. Don't you see that even the look of
the new look of the party is synonymous to wickedness. In the history of the
world, such a stern looking leader should be feared. Can't you remember your
history of the world, Mussolini, Hitler and Stalin all wore khaki uniforms? And
he too wears khaki about. He's not a politician like us. He is a uniform man
like baba. Baba has even dropped his own uniform. Their combination as party
leaders is bad for us. Then, Bukki; how do we deal with him? We must activate
our demonic instincts. Baba is going to call us for a meeting soon and that's
why I called you here. We need to be on this same page. Let's threaten him that
30 senators and 130 honourable members are ready to defect with us. Haba, Bukki
we don't have up to that. Of course, that is the only language that can quicken
baba's conscience. Remember, baba wants 2019 by fire by force.
A motorcade stops at the entrance of the Aso villa. Is that
the Chief of staff? How far with the intelligence report? What's been the
communication line between those two bad guys? I never knew that they are very
brilliant. I thought they can't repeat what we used that Sokoto boy to do for
that umbrella party in 2014. Baba, the last intelligence info leaked to us by
that Kaduna Senator says they are bent on decamping tomorrow at the Senate.
Walahi, I will deal with these bad boys. Idris! What are you going to do to
stop this defection that Bukki is orchestrating? Don't worry baba, it won't
happen. Can I explain what we are going to do? Don't worry, I got no time for
that, just do the needful but I need result regardless of the method.
(Interjection) Baba, please I know how to deal with that Ibo guy. He's not
leaving his home tomorrow. Allow Idris to handle bukola.
That's Mr Crusty, an American diplomat on a courtesy visit.
What's his mission here at the senate? He got no mission. I used my network to
arrange that visit. Why? To show to Nigerians that we are working and to also
deceive Aso Rock that we are having international friends. That will caution
them a bit in the way they are dealing with us. Walahi, you are a strategist.
Mr Senate President, this is the guy you asked me to fetch for you. Bring him
in. Your Excellency, sir. You can have your sit. I still couldn't forget your
strategic contributions towards my emergence as the Senate president. But you
really subjected me to serious wahala that nite before my emergence as
president. How do you expect me to survive sleeping inside the engine burnet of
that car? I salute your intelligence. I never knew you had emptied the engine
and panel-beaten the interior of the burnet for me to lay. Thanks to Allah that
those mumu did not figure it out.
The Police is asking me to come down to their headquarters
for further investigation on Offa Robbery. Intelligence report says I will be
detained and not be allowed to preside at the Senate tomorrow in order to avert
the planned defection. What can we do? Boss, no qualms. Just assure Idris and
his boys that you will honour their invitation. I will tell my own boys to use
our avatar phone line to call the DSS to lay a siege on your convoy while you
attempt to leave home tomorrow’s morning. Our boys will be ready with their
cameras and social media to give this wide coverage. This will achieve two
aims. First, this will paint the Police black and perhaps attract public
sympathy to your cause. We will call it a siege on democracy. Second, it will
throw the camp of the enemies into confusion. Third, it will give you the
opportunity to attend the Senate sitting. Hmmm! This sounds great. But then,
how do I escape the police siege? You can use that voodoo to disappear while at
home and appear in your office at the Senate or you will not follow your convoy
back home tonite. Where will I sleep tonite if I don't go home. Hmmm! This time
around, you will sleep on the ceiling. You will enter via the opening in the
toilet at the reception of your Chief of Staff. So, pick one out of the two
options.
Good morning distinguished Senators. As we speak, the house
of the Deputy Speaker is under siege. In the same manner, my convoy was also
blocked today. But thanks to God who enabled me to be here this morning to
preside.
Idris, why did you allow that Kwara boy to carry out his
threat? I can't explain how he managed to transmit himself into the Senate.
More, I don't know who ordered the boys to lay a siege on his convoy. Call me
Oshiomole, prof, Mustapha, and Lawan. You guys need to crack your brains to
crack this Kwara boy.
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